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Writing Samples
Band 5

Although there has been a significant increase in agricultural advancements, a number of people across the world are striving for food. This is mainly because of increase of population and loss of soil fertility. There are numerous solutions to deal with hunger problem all over the world

#advancements #people #world #food #population #loss #soil #fertility #hunger
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Recent technological advancements can make the productivity of agricultural crops and boost the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population.
However
Linking Words
, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing
food
Use synonyms
 production, many
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
Use synonyms
 suffer from
starving
Replace the word
starvation
show examples
 or need more
food
Use synonyms
.
Althoug
Correct your spelling
Although
 it is difficult to tackle the issue, we can make a deal with it through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperation between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
countries
Use synonyms
 and developed
countries
Use synonyms
. Compared to the past,
output
Add an article
the output
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 of
food
Use synonyms
skyrocket
Correct subject-verb agreement
skyrockets
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 surprisingly,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the rate of
food
Use synonyms
 production can not catch up with the speed of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 that suffer from the lack of
food
Use synonyms
 and they are starving now. Though it is a serious problem to solve, we can handle it through the cooperation of
countries
Use synonyms
. Usually starvation occurs in poor
countries
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in developed
countries
Use synonyms
, much more crops are left.
This
Linking Words
 unbalanced situation should be resolved by donations
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 developed
countries
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, international organizations should make an effort to
mediat
Correct your spelling
mediate
 between developing
countries
Use synonyms
 and developed
countries
Use synonyms
.
Foe
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 example, in developed and rich
countries
Use synonyms
, there were several events, especially
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as "save children in Africa" event. Many celebrities like singers participated in the event and eventually raised much money.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it was
temporarily
Change the word
temporary
show examples
 to
sove
Correct your spelling
solve
save
 the issue. So as a view of humanism, regular
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 like
food
Use synonyms
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
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 to raise funds for starving
people
Use synonyms
 should be made by international organizations and rich
countries
Use synonyms
, which can help
people
Use synonyms
 in poverty.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is not
easy
Add an article
an easy
show examples
 way to solve
hunger
Add an article
the hunger
show examples
 problem.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 it is not
impossible
Add an article
an impossible
show examples
 issue to handle it. Through raising funds and donations around the world,
people
Use synonyms
 who are hungry can get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
aid and come over the hardship.
Submitted by dike1221 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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