IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
It is argued that some nation tends to provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
state-of-the-art of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 to support talented athletes and achieve international sports rather than serve it
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 general. I personally think
this
 is a negative approach
,
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apply
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 since
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facility
are
Change the verb form
is
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 better served in public and
this
 essay will discuss more
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
 topic. Most of the government currently pay attention more
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
 in order to obtain certification to
held
Wrong verb form
hold
show examples
 sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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. They
also
 provide better
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 and only belong
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 top athletes, which ordinary
people
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not operate the same property.
For Instance
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 in my country have been build a new sports facility which
once
Add a missing verb
was once
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 used for
held
Change the form of the verb
holding
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 an Olympiad
afterwards
Correct word choice
but afterwards
show examples
 never been
operate
Change the form of the verb
operated
show examples
. When
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 in that area want to use the facility,
administrative
Correct article usage
the administrative
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 officer not allowing them to
use
Correct pronoun usage
ituse
show examples
.
This
 is how the regulation can create gaps among the citizen who have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same right to be treated as a citizen and
this
 is why I did not accord to
this
 notion.
Furthermore
, when the
facilities
 are served for the public, it will bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many advantages for the
people
it self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and
also
 the nation.
For instance
; from the health factors it can create
sense
Add an article
a sense
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 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle
whereas
 everyone not doing
sport
 as a hobby;
however
, it will bring
people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a healthy life. More ever, it
also
 could create more talented young
people
 for the Nation.
To conclude
, government suppose to be more neutral in
provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 public
facilities
 without
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 a gap between their societies.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
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