IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behavior #action
Globalization in one way has made
people
 more materialistic. Few get themselves
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 by getting money from loan sharks in order to maintain status within their community.
This
 essay will discuss briefly
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these actions and the way we can solve
this
 issue.
People
 have become more materialistic and strongly believe that they are valued in a society based on what material things they possess.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
this
drive
Change the verb form
drives
show examples
 them to purchase unwanted lavish products to showcase their social status among their friends and family circle, which
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 land
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
huge loans.
For instance
, A man earning close to fifty thousand is habitual to buy
thigs
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 worth one lakh using his credit card. If he is unable to pay it in the following month, an interest rate is added to his original outstanding balances
thus
 landing him in huge debts. In order to avoid
such
 issues,
this
 generation
citizens
Change preposition
of citizens
show examples
 need to be aware that the values of a person have
significant
Correct quantifier usage
more significant
show examples
 importance in a community than their wealth.
In addition
, many are influenced
due to
 the lifestyle depicted
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media platforms by rich and affluent
people
.
This
 encourages
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
 to live a similar life, neglecting the fact whether
they
Add a verb
arethey
werethey
show examples
 financially strong enough to adapt
it
Change preposition
to it
show examples
. To illustrate, there is a report in a local newspaper that states 80% of
people
 visiting foreign countries and opting for huge resorts are
people
 who are struggling to meet their ends. To mitigate
such
 issues, topics on financial management should be well educated to all classes of
people
. In conclusion,
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding of managing finances and the knowledge that material things have less impact on the way a person treats you will enable
people
 to pick things
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 actually necessary for them.
However
,
this
 basic understanding itself will prevent
people
 from falling
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 huge debts.
Submitted by priyanka444praveen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: