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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Kids absorb information and traits like a sponge, and these characteristics reflect as they grow up. In many households, extended relatives play a major role in
one
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's rearing and
this
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 is considered to be beneficial to the young
one
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 as wisdom is imparted through many minds. The old guard is the most experienced population on the planet and is always of great welfare to learn from them. I partly concur with
this
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 notion and in
this
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 essay, I will provide my views on the topic.
To begin
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 with, cultivating a young mind and passing
one
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's knowledge is something that everyone wishes to do. As a child in a joint family,
one
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 is bombarded with different values and teachings which help educate the brain in a variety of areas.
For instance
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,
one
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's father might be technologically challenged but they might have the opportunity to learn from their aunts or uncles.
For example
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, Mark Cuban learned the art of business from his uncle who spent his thirties with them.
Additionally
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, if the caretakers unexpectedly met with their demise, other family members may step up and foster the kid as their own. Notably, Barack Obama was raised by his grandparents after the divorce of his birth parents.
In contrast
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, a challenging view of
this
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 belief is if someone in the clan is a bad influence or of
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
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 background. In other terms, youngsters are equally liable to pick up on vices as they are to virtues.
As a result
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, adolescents are vulnerable to a life of crime. To illustrate, 60 per cent of juveniles have a relative with a criminal past.
Furthermore
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, they are
also
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 likely to fall into a life of addiction. To emphasise, substance use disorders are often a cycle in the family. In conclusion, growing up in a joint family can be of great value to a youngster but it might
also
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 be detrimental if the exposure is corrupt. In my opinion, under the right conditions, the child is set to gain a ton of insights which would be beneficial in the long term.

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion in organizing ideas and using appropriate linking devices. There is clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-supported.
task response
The response fully addresses the task and provides a clear opinion, supported by relevant examples. The ideas are well-developed and the essay is well-structured overall.
lexical resource
The essay exhibits a wide range of vocabulary and uses it effectively to convey meaning. There is a good mix of simple and complex sentences, enhancing the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is good, with a variety of sentence structures and accurate use of tenses. There are minor errors, but they do not impede overall communication.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • multigenerational households
  • emotional and social development
  • rounded upbringing
  • valuable life skills
  • cultural traditions
  • heritage preservation
  • broad support network
  • psychological health
  • excessive interference
  • practical support
  • child-rearing
  • deeply rooted tradition
  • cultural context
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