With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers

There is no denying that the number of elderly

people

is increasing.

Due to

the

improvment

Correct your spelling

improvement

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

care

nowadays, the average life span is dramatically longer than

Correct your spelling

show examples

was.

As a result

, each government is facing these issues and challenges. My own experiences have led me

to conclude

that society will be able to cope

Change preposition

with it

show examples

for several reasons.

First,

the main point of elderly

people

is they do not have the ability to take

care

of themselves. If they did not deposit enough

money

in banks, they could not feed

Change preposition

apply

show examples

themselves.

However

, the technology is advancing.

This

problem can be solved in the future. Why elderly

people

may not earn

money

? The answer is that they do not have enough power to sufficient the work. Yet some tech can solve

this

problem.

For example

, despite a lack of enough power, elderly

people

can create; to be more

specifically

Change the word

specific

show examples

, they can earn

money

through their brains. AI is a good choice to let elderly

people

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

work. Take

website

Correct article usage

a website

show examples

, if

Change the article

show examples

older person had some ideas to design a

website

to earn

money

, they could not

did

Change the verb form

show examples

it in the past. His family members might not support him or he did not have

money

to hire

people

to design the

webstie

Correct your spelling

website

However

, AI can deal

this

Change preposition

with this

show examples

situation. Nowadays, he can provide the function he wants to indicate on the

website

. AI will design the

website

for him for free.

Second,

governments can implement some rewards for young generations, in order to encourage them to have children. With the increasing population of elderly

people

, society

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not capable to

service

Replace the word

serve

show examples

elderly

people

As a result

, increasing the number of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children is important. Young generations may take

care

of their own elderly

people

, which means can reduce the cost that use to take

care

of elderly

people

for the government.

Submitted by weipower1108 on Tue May 23 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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