IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

a lot of old people are suffering from lonliness these days.They are also lack physical fitness. what are problems. how to solve this problem?

#people #lonliness #lack #fitness
The pie chart demonstrates that New Zealand’s online shopping retail figures include
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
four categories:
travel
,film/music,books and clothes.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the rate of
travel
 retail was the largest in 2003,but In 2003, the rate of film and music showed an upward.
Moreover
, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people who buy books was the lowest.
However
, it became bigger retail rates in 2013. Looking at the graph more closely, one can see that
Entertaining
Correct article usage
the Entertaining
show examples
 field had raised about 13% for 10 years from 2003 to 2013,so it accounted for 33% of
retail
Correct article usage
the retail
show examples
 percentage for the first ranking in 2013. Another point of note is that buyers who
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 books was 19% in 2003 and
then
 it increased
22
Change preposition
to 22
show examples
% in 2003,
did
Correct pronoun usage
which did
show examples
 not significant
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
. Meanwhile, the
travel
 field
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased sharply, which means it fell
36
Change preposition
from 36
show examples
% in 2003 to 29% in 2013.
Finally
, clothes buyers
also
 dropped
equal
Change the adjective
equally
show examples
 to
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
 field. As I mentioned earlier, it fell one-third 24%
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2003 to 16%in 2013.
Submitted by yup on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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