IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
According to
 a few individuals, it is the
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to organize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure
activities
 for their kids.
While
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that children should be allowed to select what they want.
This
 essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 viewpoints. As for as my opinion is concerned I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of the second notion.
To begin
 with, parents should help their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 when choosing
activities
. To explicate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, they have less experience to make
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 right and wrong choices compared to their caretaker.
For instance
, in Pakistan, there are special laws, which amply that after certain age kids can only make
descisions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 because of previous epitomes, where youngs indulge
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some negative deeds after giving
freedon
Correct your spelling
freedom
 to do what they want.
Therefore
,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 should
be guide
Change the verb form
be guided
show examples
 properly before the selection of hobbies. To commence with, nowadays,
due to
 the advancement of technology children are more innovative and informative, so they should be allowed to choose what they want. To illustrate it, if they have imposed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
something
whom
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 they don't like, how it is possible they will spend time on that which is totally boring for them
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Furthermore
, if they have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to take part in any
sorts
Fix the agreement mistake
sort
show examples
 of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 they will perform very efficiently. Baber Azam is a Pakistani star cricketer, who is
epitome
Add an article
the epitome
show examples
 of
self made
Add a hyphen
self-made
show examples
players
Fix the agreement mistake
player
show examples
.
Hence
, parents should not force their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 for specific work. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying, both viewpoints were discussed with relevant arguments.
However
, I personally subscribe to the view that there must be freedom for
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 to go with any
activities
whom
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 they like the most.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: