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Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugars #health #sugar #people
It is becomingly increasing common that many manufactured goods for eating and drinking contain too much
sugar
 and cause
health
 problems for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. Some
supporter
Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
show examples
 argue that the government should increase the tax
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
sugar
 to encourage
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 to
useless
Correct your spelling
use less
show examples
sugar
 . From my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
while
this
 approach is practice, there are other methods better than it . Admittedly, proponents of
this
 approach argue it
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 effective to reduce the quantity of
sugar
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
. the main
rean
Correct your spelling
reason
 is that if government lead the higher
price
 of
sugar
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when customers want to buy them , they would find that the products are more expensive. It
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 not worth
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 these goods . So, People’s life could be healthier because they eat less sweets and more
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 foods and drinks.
However
,
although
 the method is useful , it is
also
 unfair and has a negative impact on the market. For some people especially
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community who only use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
 in a
limite
Correct your spelling
limited
 quantity, it is
unjusticifible
Correct your spelling
unjustifiable
 for them to spend more money on daily
us
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 products.
In addition
, there are too many products using the
sugar
 . If the
price
 of
sugar
rise
Fix the agreement mistake
rises
show examples
, these
goods’s
Remove the s
goods’
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 would rise too.
Public’s
Correct article usage
The public’s
show examples
 life
expencies
Correct your spelling
expenses
 would be much higher than before. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 suggest
to set
Change the verb form
setting
show examples
 a rule for the
productive
Replace the word
production
show examples
 company about how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
sugar
Change to a plural noun
sugars
show examples
 they are allowed to use . The product
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 less
sugar
could
Correct word choice
and could
show examples
 let
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 become more healthy.
Furthermore
, the government could start
health
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 to teach students to know what
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of food
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 suitable and
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 for them,
therefore
, they would eat less
sugar
 to adapt
obesity
Change preposition
to obesity
show examples
 and other
health
 problems. In conclusion, It’s true that
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
sugar’s
Change noun form
sugar
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 can
limite
Correct your spelling
limit
 people’s cost
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
sugar
., but it is unjustified for a part of people and the markets. Some other ways like teaching
health
 tips and limiting
sugar
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 companies are more useful e and fair.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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