IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic wolrd. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these viese views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern world, some people like to share their experiences or information
such
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 as science, business and academic research online. Others claim that the research is more vital or valuable and disagree with sharing freely.
However
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, I believe some of these can
share
Wrong verb form
be shared
show examples
 and some could keep their value in private places like libraries.
This
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 essay will expound on my opinions on both views and provide relevant examples. To commence with, there is a useful way for learners to explore some of these when professional
experts
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 share their studies on the internet.
For instance
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, many educational assignments or scientific investigations have been posted online for a few decades. In Hong Kong, numerous educational
experts
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 utilise social media platforms to present their essays to attract many active audiences or
students
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 to pick up their messages.
Moreover
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, another reason is to make a diversity of voices.
For in
Correct word choice
In
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 some Western countries' scholars presented their research on specific platforms for
students
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 to explore and gain acknowledge.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend could bring up a chance for learners to exchange their knowledge and
also
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 may benefit human nature.
Nevertheless
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, even though sharing has some pros for learners, it has a major con for
experts
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.
To begin
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 with, plagiarism is a vital issue to limit sharing because of respecting some scholars' values. Many heads of Universities have a policy to prohibit
students
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to copy
Change preposition
from copying
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 passages and must need to
paraphrase
Wrong verb form
paraphrasing
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 a writer these owing to respect the writer's value.
Hence
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,
this
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 tendency would protect numerous writers' values.
To sum up
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, following the statements above, I believe some sharing can benefit
students
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 and paraphrasing could keep
experts
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' value. It could have better and more beneficial ways for everyone to study in the future.

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Task Achievement
Work on providing clearer and more focused examples to support your points. Ensure that your response fully addresses the task prompt and consider offering a more well-rounded perspective on the issue at hand.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates reasonably good coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas and providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • innovation
  • proprietary research
  • confidentiality
  • sensitive information
  • trade secrets
  • open access
  • intellectual property
  • market growth
  • educational resources
  • knowledge sharing
  • societal advancement
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