IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private healthcare outweigh the advantages?

#people #health #service #companies #healthcare
In today's modern era, some people believe that good health and well-being play an essential role,
therefore
 healthcare
services
 should not be run by private companies, whose main priority is to make a profit.
Although
 there are some benefits to that healthcare, I personally would argue that there are far more drawbacks. On the one hand, there are two main benefits when medical
services
 are funded by private companies.
Firstly
, private
hospitals
 have shorter waiting lists for operations and appointments.
This
 would greatly help
patients
 greatly save their time and even effort from faster treatment.
For example
 , in Vietnam,
patients
 usually wait for hours to get waiting tickets and continue waiting for treatment in state
hospitals
 .
Instead
 , in private ones, they take only an hour to see a doctor.
Secondly
,
patients
 could benefit from modern systems, because profit-making medical
services
 provide a specialized treatment process.
In addition
, they could enjoy the systems with the most modern facilities which can bring customers comfortable and safe experiences when using it.
On the other hand
, I believe that these advantages are outweighed by some main disadvantages. The first one is that private healthcare is unfair as only wealthy people can afford it,
while
 low-income cannot cover medical costs.
As a result
, the medical system contributes to widening the gap between rich and poor, which creates social pressure and discontentment, potentially leading to social conflict. The second one is that their priority is to make a profit.
This
 could lead that marketing people of those
hospitals
 can use tricks and gimmicks to induce
patients
 to use extra unnecessary
services
, which makes great dissatisfaction among clients. In conclusion, I recognise the possible advantages of speaking the same language, I consider that profit-making
hospitals
 can have an adverse impact on their customers and the government.
Submitted by lamminhkhoi2312 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: