Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In current days stars are more popular
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
glamour and money than their
achievements
and it is
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
example for teenagers. I disagree
these
Change preposition
with these
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. For the reason that in modern
life
have many famous
individuals
and every these
person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
your way for achieve
this
goal.
Moreover
, every
teenagers
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teenager
show examples
will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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struggle
person
how these famous
individuals
. The first reason to mention is that nowadays
for
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of
show examples
the famous
person
Add a comma
,person
show examples
majority observe it is young people.
Furthermore
, have more famous
individuals
who talk about your
achievements
and
others
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others'
other's
show examples
goals.
For example
, it is Elon Musk Bill Gates and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Moreover
, in other areas have famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
in music and other zones. About their
achievements
have in
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
and social media. The second cause to be pointed out is that for young
individuals
it will be motivation in their
life
to succeed how they famous
person
. Teenagers can search their famous
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
achievements
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Moreover
, every famous
person
have
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has
show examples
achievements
.
For example
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
popular people all rose from the ground up. It is
extremely
Add an article
the extremely
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proper motivation for us. Why
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
person
rich?
Due to
the fact that
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
famous
person
all your
life
tried to succeed their goals. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
only
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Of course, these examples may not represent all cases. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe for young people it is motivation. Have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
speak about your
achievements
your hard
life
and
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
goals.
Submitted by azatorazalin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
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