Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In current days stars are more popular
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
glamour and money than their
achievements
Use synonyms
and it is
poor
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a poor
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example for teenagers. I disagree
these
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with these
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opinion
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opinions
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. For the reason that in modern
life
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have many famous
individuals
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and every these
person
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have
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has
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your way for achieve
this
Linking Words
goal.
Moreover
Linking Words
, every
teenagers
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teenager
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will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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struggle
person
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how these famous
individuals
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. The first reason to mention is that nowadays
for
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of
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the famous
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person
Add a comma
,person
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majority observe it is young people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, have more famous
individuals
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who talk about your
achievements
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and
others
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others'
other's
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goals.
For example
Linking Words
, it is Elon Musk Bill Gates and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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famous
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in other areas have famous
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person
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people
show examples
in music and other zones. About their
achievements
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have in
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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and social media. The second cause to be pointed out is that for young
individuals
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it will be motivation in their
life
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to succeed how they famous
person
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. Teenagers can search their famous
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individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
achievements
Use synonyms
in
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on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, every famous
person
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
achievements
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
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popular people all rose from the ground up. It is
extremely
Add an article
the extremely
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proper motivation for us. Why
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
person
Use synonyms
rich?
Due to
Linking Words
the fact that
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
famous
person
Use synonyms
all your
life
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tried to succeed their goals. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, famous
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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only
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Of course, these examples may not represent all cases. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to believe for young people it is motivation. Have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
famous
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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speak about your
achievements
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your hard
life
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and
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
goals.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
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