IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufacturerd food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Sugar
Use synonyms
 is a natural ingredient used in food for
sweet
Correct article usage
a sweet
show examples
 taste.
Although
Linking Words
, any type of sweet causes
health
Use synonyms
 issues. I will not agree with the point that to
incease
Correct your spelling
increase
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
items
Use synonyms
 which contains
sugar
Use synonyms
 to avoid less usage which leads to healthy life. It is totally wrong. First of all, only
sugar
Use synonyms
 is not a reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problems in human beings. Sometimes, you need
sugar
Use synonyms
 for good
health
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. In rural areas, people cannot live without tea because they think tea
overcome
Correct subject-verb agreement
overcomes
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress and give relaxation to
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is the main ingredient in the making process of tea.
For example
Linking Words
, in Pakistan, the proportion of
sugar
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 to rice is 20kg to 5kg. It means a single household monthly
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
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 contains 20kg
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
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 as compared to 5kg
rice
Change preposition
of rice
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is commonly used in Pakistan.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the big reason is the
economy
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.
Use synonyms
Economy
Add an article
The economy
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 of the country depends on exports and imports. State's import depends on their needs and export depends on their
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
 growth crops.
For instance
Linking Words
, India is a big
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 state. Its major export is sugarcane. My reason to include
this
Linking Words
 point is that if
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
show examples
 increases
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 the citizens will boycott
sugar
Use synonyms
 products and
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the main export product is boycotted which leads to
downturn
Correct article usage
a downturn
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 of the nation.
To sum up
Linking Words
, neither increase in
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
items
Use synonyms
 which contains sweet nor
boycott
Correct article usage
a boycott
show examples
 of these
items
Use synonyms
 will help to reduce
health
Use synonyms
 issues because smoking can
also
Linking Words
 kill
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is less harmful than smoking.

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