IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.
#energy #australian #household #amount #electricity #occupants
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The pie chart illustrates Australian
household's
Fix the agreement mistake
households'
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energy
Use synonyms
 use
while
Linking Words
 the table indicates the average level of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption among them.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from these data is that
while
Linking Words
 the most
doninant
Correct your spelling
dominant
 usage of
egergy
Correct your spelling
energy
 consuming is for heating and cooling, Australiana
also
Linking Words
tend
Change the verb form
tends
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 to spare
energy
Use synonyms
 for
cooking-related
Add an article
a cooking-related
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purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. Meanwhile, we can see that
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 people in the house,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 is consumed from the given table.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
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 the pie graph, air conditioning and water heating constitute almost
two thirds
Add a hyphen
two-thirds
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 of the total consumed
energy
Use synonyms
.
Additiongally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, it consists of relatively small segments of cooking and standing by power, whose figures are 4% and 3% relatively.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
refregiration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
 and lighting
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 are spared at 7% of the whole percentage for each, their sum is quite as large as the number
represanting
Correct your spelling
representing
 other appliances.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a tendency that
whereas
Linking Words
 Australian human utilises between 5000 and
6500 kilowatt
Add a hyphen
6500-kilowatt
show examples
 hours of
energy
Use synonyms
 yearly,
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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double
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of
energy
Use synonyms
 can
halp
Correct your spelling
help
 families with six or more members live in a year. As for
familties
Correct your spelling
families
 formed by 2 or 3 people, they consume from 6000 to
10,000 kilowatt
Add a hyphen
10,000-kilowatt
show examples
 hours of electricity per year.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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