The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

#energy #australian #household #amount #electricity #occupants

The pie chart illustrates Australian

household's

Fix the agreement mistake

households'

show examples

energy

use

while

the table indicates the average level of

energy

consumption among them.

Overall

, what stands out from these data is that

while

the most

doninant

Correct your spelling

dominant

usage of

egergy

Correct your spelling

energy

consuming is for heating and cooling, Australiana

also

tend

Change the verb form

tends

show examples

to spare

energy

for

cooking-related

Add an article

a cooking-related

show examples

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

. Meanwhile, we can see that

Correct article usage

the more

show examples

people in the house,

Correct article usage

the more

show examples

energy

is consumed from the given table.

To begin

with

Add a comma

,with

show examples

the pie graph, air conditioning and water heating constitute almost

two thirds

Add a hyphen

two-thirds

show examples

of the total consumed

energy

Additiongally

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, it consists of relatively small segments of cooking and standing by power, whose figures are 4% and 3% relatively.

However

although

refregiration

Correct your spelling

refrigeration

and lighting

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

are spared at 7% of the whole percentage for each, their sum is quite as large as the number

represanting

Correct your spelling

representing

other appliances.

On the other hand

, there is a tendency that

whereas

Australian human utilises between 5000 and

6500 kilowatt

Add a hyphen

6500-kilowatt

show examples

hours of

energy

yearly,

its

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

double

amount

Correct article usage

the amount

show examples

energy

can

halp

Correct your spelling

help

families with six or more members live in a year. As for

familties

Correct your spelling

families

formed by 2 or 3 people, they consume from 6000 to

10,000 kilowatt

Add a hyphen

10,000-kilowatt

show examples

hours of electricity per year.

Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on Thu May 25 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

197 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Sme people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
In the modern world, the residents have a major impact on many people's lives. Some people prefer living near the area where they were born. This essay will describe both the benefits and drawbacks of this trend, including reasonable reasons.
5.5
band
In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Child obesity is becoming a common concern in most areas of the world. It is often argued that in most nations children are consuming unhygienic foods which is the leading cause of being overweight. However, some believe that to limit this issue the ministry should take strict steps to limit the growing challenge. In my opinion, it does not only depend on the government but parents also play a crucial role. Therefore I disagree with this statement, that the regime is only responsible.
5
band
Television dominates the free time for too many people It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others Do you agree or disagree Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
In this era, television plays an essential role in the globe. TV helps to provide news channels, entertainment videos or cartoons for children. To the larger extent, I agree with this statement that it makes people lazy and do not allow citizens to socialize with others but the other side cannot be neglected and I will give my reasons in-depth in subsequent paragraphs and Lastly I will come to a logical conclusion
7
band
Some people say that studying at school is not important because most important things are learnt outside the school. Do you agree or disagree?
Some folks argue that it is not essential to attend school because they think that most of the life-related valuable lessons are learned outside in the real world. I disagree with this statement, as schools are the main building block of any education and teach other social skills to children.
4.5
band
Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?
The chart gives us information about the physical activity done by Austrailian men and women of various age groups in 2010. Overall, Austrailian men when they are young(ages 15-24) are more regular in physical activity and the Australian women who are in their late forties and early fifties (ages 45 to 54) are regular in physical activity. Whereas, the percentage of Australian men and women in age group 25 to 34 and 65 and over respectively were the least in regular physical activities. Also we can see that overall percentage of women’s doing physical activity is higher than that of males.

The pie chart below shows where energy is used in a typical Australian household, and the table shows the amount of electricity used according to the number of occupants.

Sme people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Television dominates the free time for too many people It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others Do you agree or disagree Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people say that studying at school is not important because most important things are learnt outside the school. Do you agree or disagree?

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?