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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job #career #life #change #jobs
In today's modern era, it is too common to frequently change
jobs
. Some
people
 argue that if workers get a
job
 early and stick with it throughout their careers, they will be successful.
While
 it is true that having the same
job
 for
years
 is beneficial for workers to some extent, I would argue that those who frequently try different careers tend to be more satisfied and happier at
work
. On the
one
 hand, there are two main reasons why having only
one
job
 for a long period of time brings many advantages.
Firstly
, as employees have stable
jobs
, they can not struggle financially, which means they can afford to live.
By contrast
, if they change their
jobs
 too often, there might be a period of unemployment and they might use their accumulated money.
Secondly
, when workers are responsible for the same tasks over a long-term period, they gradually gain more experience and improve their skills at
work
.
This
 helps them to promote their careers in the future.
For example
, my aunt who has stayed in the marketing field for 15
years
, becomes a Chief Marketing Officer of international cooperation.
On the other hand
 , I believe that it is essential for employees to experience different occupations. The first reason is that switching occupations allows
people
 to find new challenges and learn new skills, which makes them more interested in
work
.
By contrast
, doing the same
job
 for
years
 may leave
people
 unmotivated
due to
 a lack of challenges and repetition at
work
. The second
one
 is that not everyone can know exactly what career they are passionate about and youngsters need to try various
jobs
 to know their passion.
For instance
, in Vietnam, most students choose their departments based on their parents' desires and advice, they usually do not have self-direction when enrolling on universities. In conclusion,
while
 it can be beneficial for
people
 to stick with
one
job
 over the
years
, I believe that changing occupations tends to bring more satisfaction for citizens.
Submitted by lamminhkhoi2312 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with well-organized paragraphs. However, ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main point and that your ideas are connected in a cohesive manner.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some ideas could be further developed to enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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