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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Study shows that many criminals have low levels of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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Educating
criminals
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 has sparked heated debate.
While
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 I accept that governments should educate
people
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 in
prison
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 to help them have a better job after leaving
prison
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, I believe that educating all residents plays an important role to reduce
crime
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.  On the one hand, there are a couple of vital reasons why I agree that the authorities need to have lots of lessons to educate
criminals
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 when they are in
prison
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.
Firstly
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,
criminals
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 can improve their awareness on the grounds that
people
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 who break the
law
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 often have no right thinking
due to
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 a lack of knowledge about the
law
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.
As a result
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, if they understand the
law
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, they will not become
criminals
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.
Secondly
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,
criminals
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 should be trained in jobs, which help them have better jobs when they leave
prison
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. The increase in
crime
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 rate is because they are unemployed.
Thus
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, when they have a stable job after leaving
prison
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, they will rarely return to the path of
crime
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.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that education about national
law
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 should be taught in school. First and foremost,
people
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 early know what it is like to commit a
crime
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 so that avoid doing things that
crime
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.
This
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 is because nobody wants to be a criminal and hard to integrate into society.
In addition
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, they don't have to waste their time in
prison
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 because of their ignorant actions.
Secondly
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, if making young
people
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 aware of the
law
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 early, they will look for jobs that are useful to society and their life in the future.
As a result
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, reducing the lot of
crime
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 rate in the country. In conclusion,
although
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 educating
criminals
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 is a good idea to reduce
crime
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, it seems to me that the authorities need education about the nation's laws in schools.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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