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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph gives information about the consumption of fast food (in grams), in the UK from 1970 to 1990.

The graph gives information about the consumption of fast food (in grams), in the UK from 1970 to 1990.
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The line graphs highlights,
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
show examples
 of fast food like Hamburger,
Fish
Use synonyms
 &
Chips
Use synonyms
 and
Pizza
Use synonyms
 in the UK
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 1970 to 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trends for
Hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
Hamburgers
show examples
 and
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
 are upward.
However
Linking Words
, it has been observed fluctuation in
Use synonyms
Pizza
Correct article usage
the Pizza
show examples
 trend. Looking into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finer
deatils
Correct your spelling
details
,
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
 starts
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the year 1970,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the demand for
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 upward. From
Correct article usage
the startings
show examples
startings
Correct your spelling
starting
show examples
 to 1975
production
Use synonyms
 was 100
grams
Use synonyms
,
after
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 the number rose significantly. In the year
1990
Add a comma
,1990
show examples
 it
hited
Correct your spelling
hit
show examples
 it's best
production
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, which was 500
grams
Use synonyms
. Simirarly, demand for Humburgers are
also
Linking Words
 noticible. Gradually increment of
Hamaburger
Correct your spelling
Hamburger
production
Use synonyms
. From 1970 to 1980
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for
Humburgers
Correct your spelling
Hamburgers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 below 100, after which it move upward sharply to
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
 point, which is near about 300
grams
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
graph
Add an article
the graph
a graph
show examples
 of
Pizza
Use synonyms
 is opposite from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
 and Humburger. In the year 1970,
Use synonyms
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of
Pizza
Use synonyms
 starts
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 300
grams
Use synonyms
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
magnicificant
Correct your spelling
magnificent
. After which, it fell sharply to
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 lowest
production
Use synonyms
200
Change preposition
of 200
show examples
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1985.
Although
Linking Words
, after that, the graph is quiet in
upward
Add an article
an upward
the upward
show examples
 trend.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, chips, pizza, production, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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