IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #possessions #measure #person
People strive for greatness. They give everything they can for them to achieve their ultimate goals. Achievements like money, fame and assets are
basis
Add an article
the basis
show examples
 of a prosperous person. Having all
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of worldly materials, is
this
 really what we aim for? People woke every day and challenged life. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our existence is to find our essences and comprehend
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the demands of reality yet failure always
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 and
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
 to us that we are still not worthy. Well,
this
 phenomenon is natural because of our conditions as human beings – temporal and finite. Failure is a must for us
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 great and greatness demands ourselves and give everything we have. Exhausting ourselves to learn new things is the condition for us to achieve everything we wanted.
Thus
, being thrown
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the world is like a game of will and mindset in which people has only one goal to become what they wanted to be. In my opinion, a great
man
 should not be measured by his properties
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
 by his values and principles in life. When a
man
 mastered
his self
Correct your spelling
himself
show examples
, it is natural for him to achieve everything.
Therefore
, a
true
Change the adjective
truly
show examples
 successful
man
 should be measured by his fruitful experiences in life. It is always about the cultivation of
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
, spiritual and physical
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of a person.
To conclude
, for a
man
 to flourish and become a great leader in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society, he should be enriched with wisdom. Money, fame, and assets are only temporal but what is permanent is the self that we built through vigorous experiences.
Submitted by manalangbobkervin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Affluence
  • Materialism
  • Fulfillment
  • Well-being
  • Philanthropy
  • Societal norms
  • Personal growth
  • Economic power
  • Subjective
  • Humanitarian
What to do next:
Look at other essays: