IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
Up to high
school
Add a comma
,school
show examples
 the student only studies what is given in order to be prepared for university.
However
, before getting into college the young person will need to make a choice for a lifetime, as
this
 is the moment to choose a major that will define one person’s profession, or
in other words
, what is going to be done for sustain from that time on.
Therefore
 some people believe that it is important for these students to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
from
Change preposition
off from
show examples
school
 to travel or work
along
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a
year
 and
this
 essay proposes to discuss the advantages and disadvantages
taking
Change preposition
of taking
show examples
this
year
 off.
This
 transition between high
school
 and university is a very important moment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it involves
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big decision about the lifetime profession.
Thus
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or working on something out of
school
 might help to know some more about the world and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is everything out of the academic community.
This
 experiencing period not would only help to do a more assertive choice for the future but would
also
 prepare better the young for the job market. Another advantage is the awakening of interests that sometimes is only possible when something new is experienced in life. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all these benefits, one negative point about taking
this
year
 off is that memory about every learnt
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high
school
 might be forgotten for the moment it will be needed, on the SAT exam. Even though
this
 factor will not overweight the advantages, it is a detail that cannot be forgotten.
Overall
 is possible
to conclude
 that in spite of some little things that can be a negative point against taking a
year
 off the
school
 to work or travel, the advantages overweight in
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 life.
Submitted by licapark on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: