IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that it has more positive effects on our lives. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 are against
Fashion
Use synonyms
saying
Punctuation problem
, saying
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 it has bad impacts.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others who favour
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 opine that it improves quality of life. I intend to delve into both arguments and present my view.
To begin
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 with, Opponents of
fashion
Use synonyms
 argue about the loss of cultural values and the decrease in the wearing of traditional dresses occurring day by day. In Indian society,
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For
Fix capitalization
for
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 instance, wearing short dresses by women is not a part of the culture
but
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, but
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 the new generation follows Western
trends
Punctuation problem
trends,
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 so
elder
Use the right word
older
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people
Use synonyms
 mostly feel worried about the future of their traditions.
Moreover
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, it brings
people
Use synonyms
 towards consumerism. Individuals buy clothes for a
while
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 just to show off
and
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, and
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then
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 they do not repeat it. Because
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 thing arrives in the market which allures them.
On the other hand
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,
Fashion
Use synonyms
 brings developments in clothing.Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer comfortable clothes
so
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, so
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 designers always try to bring
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 easy to wear and flexible for body movement.
For instance
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, the invention of stretchable cloth occurred following the trend of sportswear
in
Change preposition
among
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 youngsters.
Also
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, there are some clothing brands in the market that are dedicated towards traditional clothing
and
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, and
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 they
Verb problem
have
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flourished in the market with improved versions of
cultural
Correct word choice
traditional
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 dresses.
For example
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,
Saree
Check wording
a sari
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 is a dress from INDIA
but
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, but
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 it is so famous around the world and sold by many brands across the world.
To conclude
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,
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although
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 there are changes occurring in dressings ,still cultural things could be preserved through
fashion
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, it is progressive for society and needs motivation for better work.

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coherence
Your essay has ideas from both sides but the main view is not clear. Try to show a clear view in one sentence at the end of the intro and use simple links to connect ideas.
task response
Add a short and clear thesis in the opening and a short restatement of your view in the last paragraph to show task aim.
examples
Use more simple examples and explain how they show good or bad effects of fashion.
content
The essay shows both sides and has some good examples like Saree and Western style.
structure
There is some use of contrast between views, which helps the flow.
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