Some people prefer to work hard to earn more but have no free time while others want to have a free time but earn less Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Certain

people

Use synonyms

enjoy working hard and making more money at the expense of having their personal

Use synonyms

time

Punctuation problem

time,

show examples

while

Linking Words

others are of the opinion that they

rather

Verb problem

would rather

show examples

have spare

time

Use synonyms

and receive a lesser income.

However

Linking Words

, I feel that too much hard

work

Use synonyms

would be detrimental to the

entire

Correct word choice

overall

show examples

well-being of an individual. On the one hand,

There

Fix capitalization

there

show examples

are a lot of benefits that

people

Use synonyms

can enjoy from having their own relaxation

time

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

They

Fix capitalization

they

show examples

will be more reproductive.

For instance

Linking Words

, A study carried out by a medical department in the United States of America shows that the brain is more active when

its

Use the right word

it's

show examples

allowed to rest for a

while

Linking Words

Punctuation problem

; therefore

show examples

therefore

Punctuation problem

therefore,

show examples

a company will benefit more from its staff by allocating some hours or days off to them.

Additionally

Linking Words

, it promotes healthy bonds among families. Most individuals are so busy with

work

Use synonyms

that they barely have

time

Use synonyms

for their kids

, availability

Punctuation problem

. Availability

show examples

time

Use synonyms

will give children an opportunity to spend

time

Use synonyms

with their parents

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

in turn will promote a wholesome generation and by extension a healthy society.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Having

Fix capitalization

having

show examples

access to more money means comfort and being able to afford certain types of luxury

though

Punctuation problem

, though

show examples

it's at the disadvantage of the physical and mental health of the person involved. Asserting too much pressure on oneself will lead to both mental and immune system breakdown.

Furthermore

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

show examples

can make one easily irritable. Overworking can make a person's mind dull and his/her

work

Use synonyms

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

full of mistakes. To illustrate, Research was done to ascertain between

people

Use synonyms

who stay awake reading all night to pass an exam and

people

Use synonyms

who make

out

Change preposition

apply

show examples

time

Use synonyms

to rest in between, which set was more successful in their exams

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

they found

out

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that the majority of the A students were those who found

time

Use synonyms

to sleep for a

while

Linking Words

. In conclusion, some

people

Use synonyms

prefer hard

work

Use synonyms

and earning more cash at the detriment of their health

Punctuation problem

show examples

I feel strongly that the merits of choosing our health over money far outweigh its demerits.

chidinmaelisha24

May 25, 2023

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structure and clarity

Make your ideas flow easier. Use simple link words like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'therefore' to show how ideas connect.

examples

Give one clear example for each main point and explain how it backs your view.

strategy

Make your position known early in the essay, not only in the last paragraph.

grammar

Check grammar and use exact terms. Some words are not needed or used wrong.

strength

Two sides are shown and a view is given at the end.

strength

Some good examples are used to show points about rest and money.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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