IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educationalists #child #instrument
It is widely believed that letting
children
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn musical
instruments
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good idea to educate. Personally, I can neither agree
or
Replace the word
nor
show examples
 disagree with
this
 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that musical
instruments
 are still necessary for educating
children
.
Firstly
, learning
instruments
 can allow kids to enhance their confidence
as well as
 make them learn patience and dedication.
This
 means that they can develop and expand their knowledge completely.
Moreover
, knowing how to play a musical instrument can help them to have many topics to talk about with friends, so
children
 will have more opportunities to make more new friends and create a deep impression on people whom they have met.
For example
,
according to
 a survey by Vnexpress, it is 65% of humans impress and have sympathy for people who can play musical
instruments
.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the viewpoint that every
kids
Change to a singular noun
kid
show examples
 need to study how to use musical
instruments
. One of the main reasons can be that music classes are not appropriate for all students.
This
 is because some kids do not keen on music and feel at ease in put attention to
this
 subject, so it can be a waste of time
as well as
 make them uncomfortable whether parents force their child to learn about musical
instruments
. Another reason can be that, orchestral
instruments
 do not need to assist people succeed in some careers.
For instance
,
it is clear that
 a lot of composers do not pay well for their songs. In conclusion,
although
 teaching
children
 to play musical
instruments
 is one of the good ways to help them grow perfectly, I’m convinced that it is better to give
children
 the option to study or not
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to use orchestral
instruments
.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: