IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

The graphs provide information on
deaths
Use synonyms
 caused by six kinds of diseases in
Someland
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 in 1990 and the money spent on medical
research
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. Clearly,
TB
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 is the most detrimental
disease
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 of all ailments.
Also
Linking Words
, the amount of funding on researching seems to be relative to the number of death in the country.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
TB
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 caused
deaths
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 three times more than the other diseases did. About 1.75
million
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people
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 who live in
Someland
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 died
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
TB
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,
while
Linking Words
 less than 0.5
million
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people
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 passed away
due to
Linking Words
 each
disease
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. Diarrhoea comes second with 0.5
million
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deaths
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 and Malaria killed the public in the country about 0.4
million
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people
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. Leprosy is the least harmful
disease
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 for
people
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 in
Someland
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 with about one hundred thousand
deaths
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 and AIDS follows with 0.25
million
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deaths
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. When it comes to
research
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, it seems to be effective for particular illnesses.
Deaths
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 by AIDS seem to be suppressed at a lower rate
due to
Linking Words
 the most massive funding of all six sicknesses, which is about 1.75
million
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
TB
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 hadn’t been investigated yet so it resulted in enormous
deaths
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.
Although
Linking Words
 some diseases may not show a relation that the amount of R&D on each
disease
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 like Diarrhoea and Malaria, it seems to be possible to reduce the number of
deaths
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 if more money is spent on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research
Use synonyms
. In brief,
although
Linking Words
TB
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 is the most dangerous illness for
people
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 in
Someland
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 in 1990, medical
research
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 seems to be effective to diminish
deaths
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 from these sicknesses like AIDS.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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