IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportmen and sportwomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree this statement?

#people #sportmen #sportwomen #misbehave #field
It is argued that the best way to solve the
problems
 related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is to increase the cost of
fuel
. I completely disagree with
this
 idea for several distinct reasons. On the one hand, it may be
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 solution for
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 protection to increase the cost of
fuel
 as nowadays everyone has his or her private car. Naturally, the rate of
fuel
 usage is very high and it
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to pollute the
environment
 .
Moreover
, when fossil fuels are burned
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 release large amounts of carbon dioxide and greenhouse gas into the air. Greenhouse gases trap heat in our atmosphere causing global warming. Because of these
problems
Add a comma
,problems
show examples
 the cost of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 should be increased to reduce
problems
 with
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
However
, I do not believe that it may reduce all environmental
problems
 as there are other things that impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 more than fuels. First of all, human activity is causing environmental degradation, which is the deterioration of the
environment
 through
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of resources
such
 as air, water, soil and
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
 and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the extinction of wildlife.
For instance
, when waters run dry people cannot get enough to drink, wash or feed crops and economic decline may occur.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 inadequate sanitation a problem for 2.4 billion people can lead to deadly diarrheal diseases, including cholera and
thyphoid
Correct your spelling
typhoid
 fever and other water-borne illnesses. In conclusion, I think increasing
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
 of
fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
show examples
 could not solve all environmental
problems
 as there are many factors that influence on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: