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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart provides data about
average
Correct article usage
the average

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 weekly income spending by
families
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in eight different categories in one particular country in two years.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
it is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
expenditure
Correct article usage
the expenditure

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 of
families
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 food showed
Correct article usage
a dramaticaly
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dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically

If you don’t want dramaticaly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

decline over the given period,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the spending
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 accommodation and leisure showed
significantly
Correct article usage
a significantly

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 increased. Looking at the chart in more detail, we can see
families
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 became less
intereseted
Correct your spelling
interested

If you don’t want intereseted to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in spending their money
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 food in 1968 the proportion was 35% and in 2018 decreased to half
approxmiately
Correct your spelling
approximately

If you don’t want approxmiately to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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17%.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the percentage of households who spent money
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 housing and leisure
is
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb is appears to be unnecessary here.

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climbed from 10 to 18 % and 9 to 22%, respectively over two years given.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the spending
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 transport experience went up
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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from almost 8 to 14%. The proportion
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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household
Fix the agreement mistake
households

It seems that household may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 who spent their money
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 goods is constant during the given period was about 7 %.
The fuel
Correct article usage
Fuel

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 and power received
lowest
Change the article
the lowest

It appears that the phrase lowest spending does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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 spending from
families
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 during over two years and showed
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Change the word
slight

Slightly seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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 went down from nearly 6 to 4 %.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words families with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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