IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

If a product is good and meets customer needs, then people will buy it and advertising is unnecessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

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Nowadays, many companies spend money advertising their products, and
people
Use synonyms
 buy their goods. In my opinion, I absolutely agree with the comment that if a product is good for customers, they will buy it without watching an advertisement.
Although
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people
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 use
alcohol
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 in the ceremony occasions with their friends and family.
Alcohol
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 beverage advertisements are banned in Thailand because the government wants to reduce the number of drunk
people
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 who will
do
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 illegal activities, and the criminal rate in the country will rise.
For example
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,
Thai
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 citizens usually drink liqueur and beer at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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evening parties in restaurants and bars. If they consume a few of these beverages,
alcohol
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 can reduce
people
Use synonyms
’s stress and make them happy emotion.
However
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, some
people
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 who overconsume
this
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 beverage will drunk and arrested if the
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alcohol’s
Change noun form
alcohol
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 level is higher than the law’s limitation.
As a result
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, the
Thai
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 government legislated the limitation of the trading time, and
alcohol
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 promotion via all media is prohibited. Some businesses gain popularity without promoting their products via media, but
people
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 talk and share about the benefits of the goods.
Therefore
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, the organization decreased the promotion budget, one of the company’s payments.
For instance
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, Hong
Thai
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 is one of
the
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apply
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Thailand’s most famous herbal inhalers, which many
Thai
Use synonyms
people
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 buy and use in their free time.
Moreover
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, many herbs in these containers contain Menthol substances, which reduce dizziness, and users will get fresh after they smell them. So,
this
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 benefit is why customers purchase and share it by talking with other
people
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, and the organization spends a few of their budget
for
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisement. In conclusion, product advertisements are unnecessary when the goods benefit our bodies.
Moreover
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, some of them are reasons for the illegal activities.

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task achievement
The essay offers a clear stance on the topic and provides relevant points. However, some arguments, especially regarding the alcohol example, can be more directly tied to the main point that advertising is not necessary for good products.
coherence cohesion
It would be helpful to connect the examples more effectively to the overall thesis. For instance, the herbal inhaler example is relevant but needs smoother integration into the argument about the necessity of advertising.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the coherence and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the discussion.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the situation in Thailand regarding alcohol advertising and the herbal inhaler, are relevant and specific.
task achievement
The essay maintains a consistent stance on the topic, contributing to a cohesive argument.
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