Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that the depictions of glamorous lifestyles of the high profile figures are flooding
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the internet.
Although
Linking Words
some of those celebrities set positive role models for young
people
Use synonyms
, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, mislead them both in thought and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
by showing. First of all,the exposure to extravagant lifestyles can lead to the distortion of mindset and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pursuit of immediate financial success. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities are able to earn a lot from
endorsement
Fix the agreement mistake
endorsements
show examples
. They purchase big houses and can afford
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
bags and shoes.
As a result
Linking Words
, the youth, especially those
earn
Correct pronoun usage
who earn
show examples
Add an article
a meager
show examples
meager
Change the spelling
meagre
show examples
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
and do not have enough disposable income, reckon the
high profile
Add a hyphen
high-profile
show examples
figures as their fashion icons. They may purchase expensive brands to go with the
flows
Fix the agreement mistake
flow
show examples
and
finally
Linking Words
be left in financial difficulties.
Moreover
Linking Words
some
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as the influencers on social media,
owning
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
billion of fans just because of their flawless and doll-like appearances.
This
Linking Words
will result in a shallow mindset that external beauty is on top of intelligence and talent and discourage young
people
Use synonyms
from hard working and continuing their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is not fair to blame all those famous
people
Use synonyms
.
Some
Change preposition
For some
show examples
sports personalities and business leaders, their wealth is a justification
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their yearly hard work. To be specific those famous athletes,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
won fame and status through intensive physical training and
showing
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
their perseverance and hardship in the process.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
as for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
,
thy
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
have put in a lot of late nights and weekends to build their business even without certainty
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
success.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they deserve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame and status, which can
also
Linking Words
stimulate the youth to work hard to reach their ambitions and
owning
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
lifestyle. In conclusion, I concede that the show-off of the glamorous lifestyles of those celebrities can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative influences on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
as they will be instilled
wrong
Change preposition
with wrong
show examples
access to success and become more materialistic. But I
also
Linking Words
believe that some of those serve as positive figures and encourage the youth to work hard and devote themselves.
Submitted by wangruoyihan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: