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Band 7.5

Nowaways, more teenagers want to become famous actors or singers. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#nowaways #teenagers #actors #singers #development
As ones realize, many young people would like to become famous actors or singers these days.
one
 might have different arguments, but I believe
this
 is happening because teenagers are able to see how famous actors or singers live by watching social media, and parents allow their
children
 to have occupations. I believe
this
 is a positive development.
To begin
 with, most
children
 know how to use a computer and phone these days. They have access to the internet, which means they can follow famous actors or singers on Instagram, Facebook, or even Youtube Channel. By watching famous people’s lifestyles, they would like to be like them
one
 day since their lifestyle is fantastic.
One
 day,
for example
, my son watched BTS’s Youtube channel and told me he would like to be a famous singer. I asked why, and he said it was because he could deliver the messages to the world by doing what he likes.
Second,
it is unlike in the past,
children
 can choose their jobs whatever they want to be. Interestingly, Korean society or family has forced their
children
 to follow their parent’s desire for their jobs.
However
, the survey from Korean Family Department shows that
children
 have more freedom to choose for their future than in the past. The reason these days
children
 could get more freedom is that both parents need to work for a living, so they do not have time to raise and take care of their
children
.
In other words
, the parents do not have family time with their sons and daughters. It leads
children
 to decide their future themselves.
One
 might already realize that
children
 can start developing independence. In conclusion, because of the internet, and parents’ hectic life, there is a possibility that
children
 can be famous for entertainment. It will be a good opportunity for
children
 to become
a
Correct article usage
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better person who does good things by doing what he wants to, and to practice their independence since they are the
one
 who decides their future.
Submitted by lym1049 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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