IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their product are new in some way. Whay is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #product #whay #development
There is a tendency recently that business owners are using advertisements to over exaggerate
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the new features of their products. From my perspective, I believe it is a negative development in general and I will discuss the reason why
this
 has happened and why it is not encouraging. In the age of mass media, it can be observed that many brands, especially, those high-end, celebrities are paid to promote the latest commodities of the brands. Their duties include persuading the public that the newly-launched products are worthier to buy and have more innovative functions compared to their former,
while
, in fact, the so-called newest usually has quite trivial differences from its previous versions.
This
 is a commercial strategy used by businesses to emphasise their goods through the influence of well-known people and allure customers to consume more out of their trust in their idols. It is definitely a negative trend, for,
firstly
,
this
 kind of over-emphasized and unhonest ads may result in the increase of far more unnecessary purchases amongst the consumers, particularly among the shopaholics who would want to collect the whole series for the belief that each of them is distinguished.
This
 can
further
 enhance negative shopping habits in society that are considered a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
waste of money. In conclusion, the innovation of products is good
as well as
 these characteristics are not boasted through advertisements, and the opposite will certainly leave some negative effects on our society's development.
Submitted by penapple127 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: