Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
cutting-edge epoch, a handful of individuals opine that advancement in
technology
would be beneficial in order to reduce
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
rate
. I entirely agree with the given notion.
This
essay will discuss my opinion precisely in the subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are numerous reasons why
technology
can prevent and cut down the
rate
of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
. The predominant
one
is that if there is any
crime
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
police can solve
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
less time by using electronic gadgets
such
as
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CCTV photos,
track
Wrong verb form
tracking
show examples
with GPS and many more. To be more precise,
crimicals
Correct your spelling
criminals
chemicals
would
also
do less
crime
because they would
afraid
Add a missing verb
be afraid
show examples
before
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
theft if
police
Add an article
the police
show examples
give punishment to criminals. A survey conducted by BBC (British Broadcast Corporation) revealed that 78% decrease
crime
rate
in India because of
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
in
technology
. Earlier people more committed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
as there was
not any
Rephrase
no
show examples
technology
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
police can grip any criminal
with
Change preposition
within
show examples
in few hours ,so in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
there was time
consuming
Correct word choice
time-consuming
show examples
process.
Moreover
, in today's era, a plethora of
aminities
Correct your spelling
amenities
available
Add a missing verb
are available
show examples
for house protection
such
as CCTV cameras which
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
proven very useful in order to catch any criminal. The government should do
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
to have CCTV cameras at
home
by
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
criminals would
afraid
Add a missing verb
be afraid
show examples
before doing any theft at
home
. People can safely live their life at
home
even
there
Correct word choice
if there
show examples
is
one
person at
home
.
For example
, if
anyones
Change to a genitive case
anyone's
show examples
mobile phone
lost
Add a missing verb
is lost
show examples
or theft by
any
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
one
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
show examples
phone could be tracked with GPS and can find
Add an article
a smart
the smart
show examples
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
in fewer minutes ,so no
one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to worry about their expensive gadgets if they
lost
Add a missing verb
are lost
show examples
to them. In conclusion, I reiterate that with the aid of various
electroic
Correct your spelling
electronic
gadgets
crime
rate
could decrease in
this
era by which the masses can live life without taking any stress.
Submitted by MANJOT on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and development. The arguments and examples are not sufficiently explained or detailed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, but the organization and sequencing of ideas could be improved. The lack of smooth transitions and underdeveloped connections between sentences and paragraphs affects the overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: