IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. What are the causes of this and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

#people #time #hobbies #effect #society
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There are many different opportunities to spend
time
Use synonyms
 healthy and excited. Unfortunately
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 part of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society
avoid
Change the verb form
avoids
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 options. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 devote
time
Use synonyms
 to
hobbies
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why it is so. Factors that can contribute to individuals having fewer
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are as follows:
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 influence of contemporary technologies, lack of
time
Use synonyms
,
money
Correct word choice
and money
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
in current times the invasion of technology is huge in our lives.
People
Use synonyms
 spent a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 with their
handies
Correct your spelling
hands
,
laptops
Correct word choice
and laptops
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 leads to decreased interest in other activities.
Second,
Linking Words
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are
time
Use synonyms
-consuming.
For instance
Linking Words
,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for amateur swimming is 2 hours
Change preposition
of classies
show examples
classies
Correct your spelling
classes
 2 times per week. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 a person spends 16 hours per month for regular training in a swimming pool.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer to take
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 for sleep, watching movies or other stuff.
Third,
Linking Words
leisure activities are money spending.
For example
Linking Words
, fees for
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 are quite expensive.
Average
Add an article
The average
show examples
 price for annual access can be equal to an average monthly salary. Plus you should add payment for
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
 if you want to avoid injuries and improve your skills. Undeniably, high expenses reduce
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 desire and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation for
hobbies
Use synonyms
. It could have negative consequences for both citizens and nations. On a personal level, decreased interest in
hobbies
Use synonyms
 results in more
stress
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 and eventually could result in poor performance at work. Work
stress
Use synonyms
 can be reduced during physical activities. But
people
Use synonyms
 who avoid
this
Linking Words
 opportunity leave
this
Linking Words
stress
Use synonyms
 in their bodies and minds.
Stress
Use synonyms
 builds up and leads to reduced productivity. On a community level, it could lead to a decrease in
overall
Linking Words
 happiness and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 situation. Every person
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 influences
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other.
High
Add a hyphen
High-stress
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 cause depression and other diseases, which
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
show examples
 quality of work.
Productivity
Correct article usage
The productivity
show examples
 of companies will decrease, which can be
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 crisis.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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