IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
 think it
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
 to talk and understand elderly
people
Use synonyms
. There are some factors that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation has changed their behaviours
due to
Linking Words
 technologies and how they glow up. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
,
Children
Use synonyms
 who are raised by busy
parents
Use synonyms
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 likely to leave their kids with
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 to watch cartoons or play games.
Therefore
Linking Words
 they have less
communication
Use synonyms
 with other person as they believe most of their
friends
Use synonyms
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they can talk to can be found via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will talk about causes and solutions in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
children
Use synonyms
 spend less
time
Use synonyms
 with their
friends
Use synonyms
 at school
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the past
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 after class they spent
time
Use synonyms
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 sports or some activities with other
friends
Use synonyms
 which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
helped their wellness and
communication
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. when they are home,
parents
Use synonyms
 may not reach home
due to
Linking Words
 work so only one friend that they have is a tablet or phone
then
Linking Words
 they
Add a missing verb
are addict
show examples
addict
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to it. Not only
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 to elderly
communication
Use synonyms
 with them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 makes their
communication
Use synonyms
 skill regardless
Change preposition
of ages
show examples
ages
Correct subject-verb agreement
age
show examples
 much harder. The
simply
Change the word
simple
show examples
 solution for
this
Linking Words
 is to make them less
rely
Replace the word
reliant
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online platforms
for example
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 control their screen
time
Use synonyms
 and encourage them to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their physical
friends
Use synonyms
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they can see in person not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, as many families are compact which is only
parents
Use synonyms
 and their
children
Use synonyms
 live together
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same roof unlike decades ago
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 a large family contained many generations like there were
grandmother
Fix the agreement mistake
grandmothers
show examples
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 lived together so there were many chances to pass culture from one generation to the next and they tended to understand and communicate well between grandson and grandfather. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, there is a way for
parents
Use synonyms
 to arrange more activities and more often within family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 including grandparents and grandchildren to bond together.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the younger
people
Use synonyms
 will communicate better with other elderly
people
Use synonyms
 as they understand how grandparents may believe even
through
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
 are not their relatives. To Summarise, the causes and effects that younger
people
Use synonyms
 have less
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 with older
people
Use synonyms
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they don't understand
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 opinions or attitudes and they tend to have more fun with
friends
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same age or more
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertained
show examples
 with online
friends
Use synonyms
 and games. I strongly believe that if
children
Use synonyms
 and
adolescence
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
 spend much more
time
Use synonyms
 with their own grandparents
then
Linking Words
 they will develop their bond and even better communicate with other elderly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents relevant ideas but could benefit from clearer organization and more precise language. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and supports it logically.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction should better outline the main ideas you will address in the essay. This helps to guide the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, try to summarize the main arguments more clearly rather than introducing new ideas. This reinforces your message.
task achievement
You effectively identify and discuss the main issues that cause communication barriers between younger and older generations.
task achievement
Your intention to provide solutions shows a proactive approach to the problem, which is commendable.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological proficiency
  • communication gap
  • digital tools
  • worldviews
  • common ground
  • contemporary slang
  • informal language
  • misunderstandings
  • social hierarchy
  • cultural norms
  • stereotypes
  • prejudices
  • open communication
  • out of touch
  • inexperienced
  • effective communication
  • intergenerational programs
  • cross-generational activities
  • mutual respect
  • active listening
What to do next:
Look at other essays: