IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, young people are richer, they have not only security but also they are healthier than ever before. However, they seem unhappy. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to overcome this problem?

#countries #people #security
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It's clear that over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 youths are getting financially independent, more secure and physically fit. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
this
 hasn't resulted much in their happiness indexes. In
this
 essay, I would explore
its
Change the word
these
show examples
 factors and suggest some solutions to overcome these issues.
Firstly
, the Moderns
generation
 is equipped with numerous choices for everything in their daily needs.
Inorder
Correct your spelling
In order
show examples
 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental happiness,
one
 must master the skills of choosing the best among limited choices and
skill
Correct article usage
the skill
show examples
 of content fullness.
Moreover
, scientifically
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 proven that maximisers
i
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,e those who are always craving for
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of choices are
then
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 less
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
 when compared with
satisifiers
Correct your spelling
satisfiers
satisfies
i.e
Correct your spelling
i.e.
 those who are finding the needs. To overcome these situations,
one
 must cultivate the
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
 of finding the best from
vialble
Correct your spelling
viable
available
 fewer options without worrying
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 status and taste. Lack of spiritual and emotional balance is the key reason often current
generation
 had to deal
to
Change preposition
with to
show examples
 combat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joylessness. Enrolling in appropriate spiritual programmes or approaching
personality
Correct article usage
a personality
show examples
 development coach, will
eductae
Correct your spelling
educate
 them with the magnitude of gratitude and
contentfullness
Correct your spelling
content fullness
one
 has to carry for the
previalges
Correct your spelling
privileges
 they have. For eg,
this
 new
generation
 can leverage the benefits offered
various
Change preposition
by various
show examples
 online programmes by mental health coaches ranging from breathing
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
 to yoga programmes.
On the other hand
, chasing
monetory
Correct your spelling
monetary
 numbers to
conquor
Correct your spelling
conquer
 just financial success often lead to increased depression rates. To
summerize
Correct your spelling
summarise
show examples
,
Although
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no issues on financial burdens and social welfare,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
generation
 often struggles to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental peace
due to
 comparisons and virtual trends set by youths.
One
 can overcome these situations and start finding bliss by implementing some of the solutions proposed above
such
 as not
regreting
Correct your spelling
regretting
 on the chosen
decissions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 and practising spiritual exercises.
Submitted by jabirmoolur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: