IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from particular capital city to the countryside

the line graph below shows the main reasons people gave for moving away from particular capital city to the countryside
#line #people #city #countryside
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The given line graph below shows the number of
people
Use synonyms
 and the three main reasons that they gave for moving away from a particular capital city to the countryside. As can be seen in the graph, much more
people
Use synonyms
 are moving away because of the rising cost of living. Between 1990 and 2000, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 moving away had grown quite high up to 20000. Afterwards, it decreased by 5000
people
Use synonyms
 by the year 2010. The
trend
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 particular reason reaches its peak in the year 2000 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 total of 25000 movies. Other main reasons
people
Use synonyms
 are moving away are
due to
Linking Words
 the
traffic
Use synonyms
 and
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 that they experience in the particular capital city. It shows that in 1990, the amount of movies for both trends is the same which is 20000
people
Use synonyms
. The
traffic
Use synonyms
trend
Use synonyms
 grew slightly during 1990 and 2000, and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 goes for the
lifestyle
Use synonyms
trend
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of movers
due to
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 increased
consistenly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 to 40000 in 2010, unlike movers with
traffic
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 grew rapidly to 60000 between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 in conclusion the graph shows trends of reasons
people
Use synonyms
 move from a particular capital city to the countryside from 1990 to 2010. The trends consist of
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
 cost
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 with the biggest amount of movers in 2000 and
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
traffic
Correct article usage
a traffic
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 that grew sharply in 2000.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
lifestyle
Use synonyms
trend
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increased gradually during those years.
Submitted by farisadrian628 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, trend, traffic, lifestyle with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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