IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

ome people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 world, some people thought that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 should prohibit
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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 during the lesson,
on the other hand
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, others thought that
students
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 can use their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. From my point of view,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 has beneficial
as well as
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 detrimental effects
to
Change preposition
on
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 pupils.
This
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 essay will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
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side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 and give my personal opinion
in
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apply
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further
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.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that mobile phones are giving many of
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 and
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 to
students
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 through the
internet
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Internet
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. Thanks to
this
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 combination, they will access many educational websites,
such
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 as YouTube, Google and Instructure
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moreover
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Moreover
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,
students
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 can
also
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 share their opinions and
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 in applications.
As a result
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, their general knowledge and intellectual qualifications will definitely increase considerably
furthermore
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, it helps to time saving.
On the
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contrary
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,contrary
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 utilizing digital
gadget
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gadgets
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 is disturbing attention during classes
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 affects their
health
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 condition in
bad
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a bad
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 way. To put it another way, if
students
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 are using their
phone
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 for knowledge not only but
also
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 video games, Facebook and Instagram, it
distract
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distracts
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 them from learning
furthermore
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, their
health
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 condition will
be deteriorate
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deteriorate
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.
For instance
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, always seeing in close things is bad for eye
health
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 especially
it
Correct word choice
because it
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 influences farsightedness in teenagers. In conclusion,
Usage
Correct article usage
the Usage
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 of mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 has
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 educational side but
also
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 has
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 to
health
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. In my opinion, under guidance and
observation
Add a comma
,observation
show examples
 we can decrease the downsides.

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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