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Band 4

Young people spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons for this? Are there more negative or positive sides?

#people #time
There are several factors
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
 to
this
 situation.
Firstly
, people focus more time and energy on
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 than ever before. As
cpmpetition
Correct your spelling
competition
 heats up in most fields, more and more
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are obliged to work overtime, even moving to the city far away from their
parents
 for
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Accordingly
,
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 they spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
accompanying
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 is relatively reduced.
Secondly
, teenagers are advocated to be independent and live with their own means
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 contemporary society. In
this
 way,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who lives with
parents
are
Change the verb form
is
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 normally considered
as
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apply
show examples
a member of
Correct article usage
the neet
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neet
Correct your spelling
meet
show examples
 group who is slothful and relies on
father
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their father
his father
her father
show examples
 and mother excessively.
Consequently
, most young people tend to live alone and make their own
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 in order to avoid reproach.
Additionally
, the increasing affluence of
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 relationship activities of youth aggravates
this
 problem. Some individuals are preoccupied
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 numerous parties,
receptions
Correct word choice
and receptions
show examples
 and ignore their
parents
. Personally, I believe
this
 situation does more damage than merit. Admittedly, being away from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 enable them to stand on their own feet and enhance themselves.
However
, taking more time accompanying
parents
 is imperative for the sake of both
parents
 and themselves. For one thing,
parents
 are the unique people who dedicate themselves
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rearing and cultivating you and children ought to return back to
parents
 from morality. It is irresponsible to disappoint
parents
 on account of
parents
 lacking concern and love. For another, compared to sophisticated
parents
, youths are immature and impulsive. Accompanying
parents
 enables them to receive more pertinent
counsels
Fix the agreement mistake
counsel
show examples
 and
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
. In
this
 way, it is less likely for them to go astray.
Submitted by wenruilyu on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
What to do next:
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