IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people spend less of their free time with their family nowadays. What are the reasons for this? Are there more negative or positive sides?

#people #time
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There are several factors
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
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 to
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people focus more time and energy on
Correct pronoun usage
their career
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 than ever before. As
cpmpetition
Correct your spelling
competition
 heats up in most fields, more and more
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are obliged to work overtime, even moving to the city far away from their
parents
Use synonyms
 for
Correct pronoun usage
their career
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
time
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the time
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 they spend
on
Change preposition
apply
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accompanying
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 is relatively reduced.
Secondly
Linking Words
, teenagers are advocated to be independent and live with their own means
on
Change preposition
in
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 contemporary society. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
person
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the person
a person
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 who lives with
parents
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 normally considered
as
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apply
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a member of
Correct article usage
the neet
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neet
Correct your spelling
meet
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 group who is slothful and relies on
father
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their father
his father
her father
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 and mother excessively.
Consequently
Linking Words
, most young people tend to live alone and make their own
earning
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earnings
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 in order to avoid reproach.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the increasing affluence of
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 relationship activities of youth aggravates
this
Linking Words
 problem. Some individuals are preoccupied
in
Change preposition
with
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 numerous parties,
receptions
Correct word choice
and receptions
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 and ignore their
parents
Use synonyms
. Personally, I believe
this
Linking Words
 situation does more damage than merit. Admittedly, being away from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 enable them to stand on their own feet and enhance themselves.
However
Linking Words
, taking more time accompanying
parents
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 is imperative for the sake of both
parents
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 and themselves. For one thing,
parents
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 are the unique people who dedicate themselves
in
Change preposition
to
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 rearing and cultivating you and children ought to return back to
parents
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 from morality. It is irresponsible to disappoint
parents
Use synonyms
 on account of
parents
Use synonyms
 lacking concern and love. For another, compared to sophisticated
parents
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, youths are immature and impulsive. Accompanying
parents
Use synonyms
 enables them to receive more pertinent
counsels
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counsel
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 and
advises
Replace the word
advice
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. In
this
Linking Words
 way, it is less likely for them to go astray.
Submitted by wenruilyu on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
What to do next:
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