IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment, our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree?

#punishment #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
Capital
punishment
 is having pros and cons. It has believed that by applying
this
 type of penalty, society will feel safe and the major type of violence will decrease.
This
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with that statement and will elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 supporting statements.
To begin
 with, the policy of the
death
 penalty has several benefits.
Firstly
, society will become aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the bad actions they
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
For instance
, In Indonesia, drug smugglers who get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in more than 1000 kilograms of narcotics will face the capital
punishment
. Imagine if the villains are not facing the
death
punishment
, they will continue to sell
an enormous numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
an enormous number
enormous numbers
show examples
 of drugs.
This
 condition will
harms
Change the verb form
harm
show examples
 the uncountable productive generations in Indonesia. The second benefit
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 application of the capital
punishment
 is, it can teach a pivotal lesson to the population that the wrong action you commit, the harder consequences you face.
For example
, a
murder
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murderer
show examples
 who killed more than ten
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in 2006 was
sentencing
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sentenced
show examples
 the
death
 penalty in Thailand.
This
 is because the wrongdoing by one
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 caused
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge loss for one population.
Moreover
, society will feel afraid if they know that the person who caused the great loss is still alive. Because there is no guarantee if he or she will finish their sentences, they will change
a
Change preposition
into a
show examples
good person. As we know, it is really hard to change the bad habits.
Additionally
, the policy of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
 again will depend on how serious and
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 the action that an individual did. In conclusion, the
death
punishment
 will have several benefits as mentioned above.
Submitted by muholligan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent effect
  • retribution
  • irreversibility
  • judicial error
  • human rights
  • ethical considerations
  • life imprisonment
  • perception of violence
  • rehabilitation
  • reforming
  • contentious
  • societal perception
  • morality
  • recidivism
  • capital punishment
  • justice system
  • incarceration
  • penology
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