IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment, our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree?

#punishment #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
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Capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 is having pros and cons. It has believed that by applying
this
Linking Words
 type of penalty, society will feel safe and the major type of violence will decrease.
This
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 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with that statement and will elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 supporting statements.
To begin
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 with, the policy of the
death
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 penalty has several benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, society will become aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the bad actions they
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
For instance
Linking Words
, In Indonesia, drug smugglers who get
involve
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involved
show examples
 in more than 1000 kilograms of narcotics will face the capital
punishment
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. Imagine if the villains are not facing the
death
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punishment
Use synonyms
, they will continue to sell
an enormous numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
an enormous number
enormous numbers
show examples
 of drugs.
This
Linking Words
 condition will
harms
Change the verb form
harm
show examples
 the uncountable productive generations in Indonesia. The second benefit
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 application of the capital
punishment
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 is, it can teach a pivotal lesson to the population that the wrong action you commit, the harder consequences you face.
For example
Linking Words
, a
murder
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murderer
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 who killed more than ten
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in 2006 was
sentencing
Change the form of the verb
sentenced
show examples
 the
death
Use synonyms
 penalty in Thailand.
This
Linking Words
 is because the wrongdoing by one
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 caused
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge loss for one population.
Moreover
Linking Words
, society will feel afraid if they know that the person who caused the great loss is still alive. Because there is no guarantee if he or she will finish their sentences, they will change
a
Change preposition
into a
show examples
good person. As we know, it is really hard to change the bad habits.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the policy of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital
punishment
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 again will depend on how serious and
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 the action that an individual did. In conclusion, the
death
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punishment
Use synonyms
 will have several benefits as mentioned above.
Submitted by muholligan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent effect
  • retribution
  • irreversibility
  • judicial error
  • human rights
  • ethical considerations
  • life imprisonment
  • perception of violence
  • rehabilitation
  • reforming
  • contentious
  • societal perception
  • morality
  • recidivism
  • capital punishment
  • justice system
  • incarceration
  • penology
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