IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

graph illustrates a comparison between the closure of shops and opening of new shops from 2011 to 2018.

graph illustrates a comparison between the closure of shops and opening of new shops from 2011 to 2018.
#comparison #closure #shops
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The line chart provides a
comparesion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 of
closure
Correct article usage
the closure
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 and
opening
Correct article usage
the opening
show examples
 of new
shops
Use synonyms
 over
7-year
Add an article
a 7-year
the 7-year
show examples
 period between 2011 to 2018.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indicators experienced markedly fluctuations towards the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, and compelling evidence demonstrates
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which states of
shop
Add an article
the shop
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declinded
Correct your spelling
declined
 throughout the timeframe. Commencing in 2011 with
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 shop's account at 6300, compared
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the new opening shop
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at 8000.
However
Linking Words
, new
shops
Use synonyms
 witness a rapid fall in number to under 4000 in 2012,
while
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 following two years was
re-achive
Correct your spelling
re-achieve
re-archive
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 6100.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the chart reveals that new
shops
Use synonyms
 remained level at 4000 from 2015 to 2017,
then
Linking Words
continuous
Change the word
continuously
show examples
 dropping to 3000. Moving on to closure
shops
Use synonyms
 which fluctuated between 6000 to 7000 until 2014, followed by a dramatically plummetting
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1600.
Although
Linking Words
 the number of closure
shops
Use synonyms
 was returned above 5000,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 only experienced a modest increase in
2018
Correct article usage
the 2018
show examples
surveyed
Replace the word
survey
show examples
.
Submitted by miriam3388 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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