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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.
#sales #kinds #games
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As an introduction, the bar chart illustrates the worldwide Sales of various digital
games
Use synonyms
, between the period of 2000 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it has been shown that the highest figures of all the categories were handheld
games
Use synonyms
 throughout the duration.
In addition
Linking Words
, the sales of console
games
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dropped gradually,
although
Linking Words
 the other three demonstrated
steadily
Correct article usage
a steadily
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 rising trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
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 handheld ones, rose significantly from about 10 million
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to reach almost 18
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Linking Words
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
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 the number of online
games
Use synonyms
 grew considerably starting from 2001 to end at around 9 million
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 increased gradually from 2000 to reach more than 6
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
, sales of console
games
Use synonyms
 declined steadily from about 6
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2000 to end up around 3
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Submitted by anushka75 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words games, dollars, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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