IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree.

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
Some
people
 believe the authorities should allocate funding for
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
health
Change preposition
of health
show examples
 and
diseases
Change the noun form
disease
show examples
 issues than
treatment
 and
medicine
. I totally agree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
. There are several reasons why hold the idea that prevention is more crucial than
treatment
 and
medicine
.
Firstly
, If the government spend money to increase the sports facilities,
such
 as gym, swimming pool,
playgrounds
Correct word choice
and playgrounds
show examples
 can be beneficial for the public to prevent
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
This
 is because
this
 facilities
is encourage
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
people
 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise and stay healthy.
Furthermore
,
according to
 some research adopting
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 lifestyle is a great method to enhance the immune system of humans to fight diseases
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cancer ,heart
attact
Correct your spelling
attack
, and diabetes. As result a, prevent
people
 to get illness and increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy, which means
mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigating
show examples
 the pressure on the healthcare system and the cost of
treatment
 and
medicine
 is reduced.
Secondly
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lawmakers should allocate money to fight air pollution . To illustrate,
people
 every
singal
Correct your spelling
single
 day
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 air polluted , which means air contamination contributes to health problems namely, cancer,
Ebola
Correct word choice
and Ebola
show examples
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, spending funds
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 issue can prevent
people
 to get
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 and health issues , which means they
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 likely to need
medicine
 and
treatment
.
To sum up
, it seems to me that government should spend money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 prevention measures
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, motivate
people
 to
Add a missing verb
have the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy lifestyle,
reduce
Correct word choice
and reduce
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Correct quantifier usage
more significant
show examples
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 than
medicine
 and
treatment
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: