IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

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It is true that citizens live longer than ever before in industrialized nations. The growing population of elderly
people
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 would have detrimental impacts on citizens and society as a whole, and governments and societies should make much more effort to mitigate them. With the increasing ageing population, many problems can be anticipated.
Firstly
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, the growing number of senior citizens would exert heavier pressure and burden on the following generations to take care of them.
For example
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, many
newly-married
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newly married
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 couples need to shoulder the responsibility
to care
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of caring
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 for
even
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apply
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up to 8 elderly relatives.
Secondly
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, these adults ought to pay more taxes to cover the pension for these retired older workers.
As a result
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, they would face a dilemma in which they have financial tension. What’s more, it is expected that society would step into a state in which it has a lower productivity and consumption desire, which will lead to
depression
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economic depression
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economically
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apply
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. There are several approaches that governments can take to solve these problems mentioned above. The first approach focuses on improving healthcare conditions
such
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 as building more nursing homes for existing older
people
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.
For instance
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, the massive investment in the medical field in Japan effectively relieves the economic burdens on their youngsters. The second method intends to refine related laws and regulations in favour of encouraging a higher rate of birth among these married
people
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.
Lastly
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, authorities should make more propaganda and enhance the awareness
to have
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of having
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 a child. In conclusion,
people
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’s lives would be greatly impeded, and many actions should be taken along several fronts: through improved policies in favour of giving birth to more children, enhanced awareness to have a child and improved healthcare for existing elder
people
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.

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task achievement
Pay attention to the specific examples used to support the points. Make sure they are relevant and clearly connected to the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are well connected and follow a clear logical structure throughout the essay. Use transitional phrases to link the ideas more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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