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Writing Samples
Band 3

The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 8 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes (in percentages).

#tourist #arrivals #millions #countries #changes #percentages
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The given table illustrates the
number
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 of
visitors
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 who went abroad to 8
countries
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 namely:
France
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, the U.S., Spain, the UK, Italy, Turkey, China, Germany and
Hong
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Kong
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 in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2009 and 2010 and the proportion of the change between these 2 years. In general,
France
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 attracted the highest
number
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 of
visitors
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while
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 the lowest quantity belonged to
Hong
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Kong
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.
Moreover
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, travellers who visited
Hong
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Kong
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 decreased in comparison to other figures that witnessed an increase or maintained unchanged. Looking at the table for more detail, in the year 2009,
France
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 observed the highest
number
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 of international
visitors
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 (76 million
people
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)
while
Linking Words
 those who arrived
to
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in
show examples
Hong
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Kong
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 and Germany reached
at
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apply
show examples
10 million
visitors
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. After a period of 1 year, the
number
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 of
people
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 who visited
France
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 stayed remained
while
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 other
countries
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 served
an
Change the article
a
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 rise in the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
visitors
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 from different
countries
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, except for
Hong
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Kong
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 which slightly decreased to 9 million
people
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 in 2010. In terms of the percentage of the changes,
while
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France
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 observed a no-change figure, many
countries
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such
Linking Words
 as the USA, Spain, the UK,
Italy
Correct word choice
and Italy
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 suffered an
unsignificant
Correct your spelling
insignificant
 increase (under 5%)
whereas
Linking Words
 Germany attracted the most remarkable rise in international
visitors
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 at 109%.
In contrast
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, the ratio of the change in the
number
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 of
people
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 who travelled to
Hong
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Kong
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 was -11% and became the only nation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
visited by the least
people
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 in both years.
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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