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Band 3

The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 8 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes (in percentages).

#tourist #arrivals #millions #countries #changes #percentages
The given table illustrates the
number
 of
visitors
 who went abroad to 8
countries
 namely:
France
, the U.S., Spain, the UK, Italy, Turkey, China, Germany and
Hong
Kong
 in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2009 and 2010 and the proportion of the change between these 2 years. In general,
France
 attracted the highest
number
 of
visitors
while
 the lowest quantity belonged to
Hong
Kong
.
Moreover
, travellers who visited
Hong
Kong
 decreased in comparison to other figures that witnessed an increase or maintained unchanged. Looking at the table for more detail, in the year 2009,
France
 observed the highest
number
 of international
visitors
 (76 million
people
)
while
 those who arrived
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Hong
Kong
 and Germany reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
10 million
visitors
. After a period of 1 year, the
number
 of
people
 who visited
France
 stayed remained
while
 other
countries
 served
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 rise in the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
visitors
 from different
countries
, except for
Hong
Kong
 which slightly decreased to 9 million
people
 in 2010. In terms of the percentage of the changes,
while
France
 observed a no-change figure, many
countries
such
 as the USA, Spain, the UK,
Italy
Correct word choice
and Italy
show examples
 suffered an
unsignificant
Correct your spelling
insignificant
 increase (under 5%)
whereas
 Germany attracted the most remarkable rise in international
visitors
 at 109%.
In contrast
, the ratio of the change in the
number
 of
people
 who travelled to
Hong
Kong
 was -11% and became the only nation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
visited by the least
people
 in both years.
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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