IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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Extinction of certain plants and animal species is now a major issue of our time. It is argued that the worsening case of biodiversity must be the priority over any other environmental problems. In spite of that, I believe that
climate
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change
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 is more important because it has the greatest impact compared to other global issues.
Climate
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change
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 must be the top priority because it is the root cause of all the other global issues we are facing in today’s generation. The increasing temperature
due to
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 greenhouse gas emissions and the changing weather in different parts of the world is damaging food production, biodiversity, and human health.
For instance
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, Filipinos
experience
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have experienced
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 higher temperatures in the
last
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 decade which
leads
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has led
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 to the rising use of air conditioning units, without that appliance people might suffer from heat stroke or heart attack. Another one is higher rainfall which causes catastrophic floods in plantations and the loss of lives. In those circumstances, I do think that
climate
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change
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 is the most significant matter that we must confront today. The loss of animals and other living organisms is one of the negative effects of
climate
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change
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however
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, it must not be the sole reason. Human activities shall
also
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hold
Wrong verb form
be held
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 accountable for the endangerment of biological diversity. Fortunately, laws and awareness campaigns have been created now to stop deforestation and other harmful activities. Since those have been made, people now are more concerned with endangered animals and species of other living organisms.
However
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, I do not think that
this
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 matter should be set aside because biodiversity is still in danger. In conclusion,
while
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 addressing how to protect the lives of animals and other organisms, I believe that it is best to resolve
first,
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climate
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change
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 because it is the main cause of other global issues.
Submitted by angeline07 on

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task response
You have presented a comprehensive response to the essay question. You have established a clear position and supported it with relevant examples. Make sure to further develop your introduction and conclusion to provide a stronger framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents a clear progression of ideas. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more explicitly linked to the topic and provide a stronger sense of closure.
lexical resource
You have employed a wide range of vocabulary to express your ideas effectively. Consider using more specific and varied vocabulary to enhance the depth of your discussion.
grammatical range
Your essay exhibits a good command of grammar, with a varied and accurate use of complex structures. In certain places, ensure that subject-verb agreement and article usage are consistent throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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