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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#graphs #show #music #albums #people #britain #sex #age #report #university #lecturer #information
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Those bar charts depict
people
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 several ages and sex in
music
Use synonyms
 listening. It is clear from the graph that many
people
Use synonyms
love
Use synonyms
 Pop and
Rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown
people
Use synonyms
 in 45+
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer
show examples
 listen to classical
music
Use synonyms
 rather
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 Pop and
Rock
Use synonyms
, but most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
males and females
Love
Use synonyms
rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
 with 25% for males and 15% for females respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can
noticed
Change the verb form
notice
show examples
 that not just 45+
people
Use synonyms
love
Use synonyms
 classical
music
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 in the 25 to 30 has more than 15%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the females wear equal in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Pop and
Rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
 and it was the same in the 45+.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that many
people
Use synonyms
love
Use synonyms
Rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
 until the 45+ ,but
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less than 10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 in 16 to 24
heat
Correct your spelling
hear
show examples
 classical
music
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by qazwsxcvbnm1452 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, music, love, rock with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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