IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #surveys #visit #two #periods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table illustrates the effect renovation of the Ashdown Museum during a particular year on the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from there.
Besides
Linking Words
, the pie charts explain the conclusion of the poll from
visitors
Use synonyms
 of that place about the
number
Use synonyms
 of happiness from there before and after innovation.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the first
data
Add a comma
,data
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 increased by about 16000 persons after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, after
Use synonyms
refurbishment
Add a comma
,refurbishment
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of folks who are unhappy about the quality of the museum declined to half of that amount.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals who were very satisfied increased more than twofold from 15% to 35% after renovations.
Also
Linking Words
, the proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were satisfied with the new design added 10% in the
last
Linking Words
 survey and stood at just about 40%.
In addition
Linking Words
, before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 half of the
visitors
Use synonyms
 believed the quality of the museum was weak or very weak
whereas
Linking Words
, these statistics decline by about 15% in the
last
Linking Words
 poll after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 5% of people in both surveys did not answer these questions.
Submitted by amirhsina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor numbers
  • satisfaction levels
  • survey results
  • very satisfied
  • improved facilities
  • exhibits
  • attendance
  • comparison
  • increase/decrease
What to do next:
Look at other essays: