Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements, which has set a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, young
people
are said to be influenced by the glamour and wealth of famous
celebrities
rather than their mere achievements. Some
people
say that
this
is not a good example for younger generations and I completely disagree with
this
notion. 
Firstly
, the glamour of famous
celebrities
does not automatically means
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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example to young
people
. Adolescents nowadays have several
idols
that they look up to and they considered them as
source
Add an article
a source
the source
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of
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
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.
Furthermore
,
fashion
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the fashion
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and glamour of known media personalities serve as models for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children and young adults to help them improve their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
by dressing more confidently.
Such
an example is the popular group of K-pop
idols
, BTS,
this
group has greatly influenced the kids of
this
generation with their glamorous fashion and because of
this
, these young
people
begun
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began
have begun
show examples
to think more creatively
on
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about
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how they can
mixed
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be mixed
mix
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and match their clothing in reference to their
idols
styling.
Secondly
,
celebrities
showing off their wealth and lifestyle
also
gives a positive impact
to
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on
show examples
children and young adults.
Theses
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
kids will set their goals in life in order to be wealthy because of what they see
on
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in
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their
idols
. They will remind themselves to study harder to get a better future and be able to achieve
such
lifestyle
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a lifestyle
show examples
.
Additionally
, having
such
as
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apply
show examples
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
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will encourage young children to learn how to save in order to be wealthy. On
the
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a
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final note, I believe that famous
celebrities
can always be a source of
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
show examples
to younger generations by showing them how to present themselves in a fashionable style and telling them that working hard is essential to achieve a wealthy lifestyle.
Submitted by aragoza.donieray on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • superficial attributes
  • sensationalism
  • idolize
  • materialism
  • philanthropy
  • glamour
  • achievements
  • role models
  • humanitarian
  • influence
  • media portrayal
  • public adoration
  • celebrity worship
  • young individuals
  • unrealistic standards
  • intellectual success
  • public interest
  • professional recognition
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