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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table makes a comparison between
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
 in Australia in 2011 regarding four different aspects: number of businesses, profit, sales revenue and general growth. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the figures for online
stores
Use synonyms
 in all categories were higher than those for
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 achieved greater business efficiency in comparison with web-based
stores
Use synonyms
. It can be seen from the graph that the number of businesses conducted via online
stores
Use synonyms
 was 368 in 2011, roughly five times higher than the figure for the physical ones (67
stores
Use synonyms
). Despite
such
Linking Words
 a significant gap, there was no substantial difference in the figures for profit earned by
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
, with 807
AUD
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 for the former and 863
AUD
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 for the latter. From the statistic, it can be inferred that physical
stores
Use synonyms
 generated 12700
AUD
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, compared to 13400
AUD
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 produced by online
stores
Use synonyms
. The growth recorded in the data of the physical
stores
Use synonyms
 was 0.4%, which was only 0.2% lower than that of web-based
stores
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words department, stores, aud, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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