IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is often said that the subjects taught in schools are too academic in orientation and that it would be more useful for children to learn about practical matters such as home management, work and interpersonal skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task

#subjects #schools #orientation #children #matters #home #management #work #skills #minutes
Nowadays, many
people
 assert that the majority content of school courses
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
academically
Change the word
academic
show examples
 and
theoretically
Change the word
theoretical
show examples
 and want to replace it with more utility subjects which are rich with skills and practices. in order to ,develop and control their
life
. In my opinion, I entirely agree and in the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my viewpoint. 
To begin
 with, many
people
 these days learn from
life
 lessons more than
Change preposition
from institution
show examples
institution
Replace the word
institutional
show examples
 education .
So for
Rephrase
For
show examples
 that reason, we should enter more practical
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. Because of growth and improvement.
As a result
, The individuals will have the capacity to create a family and have great
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
jobs
Change preposition
for jobs
show examples
 more than others.
Moreover
, that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 awareness of personalities. Which in turn resulted in a great performance in their carriers and home duties.
Secondly
,There is no denying the fact that
life
 is full of struggles, So if children study
such
 useful courses they will have the ability to overcome the challenges facing them. As an example, recent research shows data amongst a group of young
people
 and the resulting emphasis that, children can build a strong personality if they learn
Change preposition
at
show examples
an early stage in their
life
 Experiments matter more than theory.
However
, based on the above discussion it is important to deal with
life
 obstacles throw some good educational process. All in all, Despite the importance of academic orientation,in my view It is essential for
people
 to
educate
Wrong verb form
be educated
show examples
 in subjects which is Impact positively
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in a long-term way and I totally agree.
Submitted by demo_sq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic subjects
  • practical matters
  • home management
  • interpersonal skills
  • useful
  • essential
  • critical
  • well-rounded education
  • holistic development
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • analytical skills
  • practical knowledge
  • life skills
  • career prospects
  • employability
  • academic achievement
  • curriculum
What to do next:
Look at other essays: