IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

describe a graph that shows average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers.

describe a graph that shows average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers.
This
Linking Words
 bar chart shows the mean
increase
Use synonyms
 in
GDP
Use synonyms
 around the world, spanning
three
Use synonyms
 decades, from the 1960s to
1990s
Correct article usage
the 1990s
show examples
. The
countries
Use synonyms
 are sectioned into wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
globalisers
Correct your spelling
globalised
 and
non-
Correct your spelling
non-globalised
globalisers
Use synonyms
. The graph
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
set out to show the
three
Use synonyms
 categories in
three
Use synonyms
 different colours, with a legend showing the key - blue for the rich
countries
Use synonyms
, silver for the
Use synonyms
globalisers
Correct your spelling
globalised
globalists
 and dark beige for the
non-
Correct your spelling
non-globalised
globalisers
Use synonyms
. The y-axis shows the percentage
increase
Use synonyms
 and the x-axis indicates the decade the data represents. There is a steady decrease in the average growth of
GDP
Use synonyms
 from 1960-1990 for wealthy nations, with a steep difference from 1960-1970, of around 1.6%. The data for 1980-1990 shows the smallest change in value. Inversely, there is a stable
increase
Use synonyms
 seen for
Use synonyms
globalisers
Correct your spelling
globalised
globalists
, with the largest difference between 1980-1990, of approximately 1.6%. The data for the non-globalising nations show fluctuations - the
avereage
Correct your spelling
average
GDP
Use synonyms
 growth is
shownt
Correct your spelling
shown
 o
increase
Use synonyms
 from 1960-1970, which
then
Linking Words
 decreases drastically by 2.2% from 1970-1980 and
then
Linking Words
 rises again from 1980-1990. The largest change is actually seen in
this
Linking Words
 category. The decade with the closest value in
GDP
Use synonyms
 for all
three
Use synonyms
 sections is the 1970s - they all have around
3
Correct article usage
a 3
show examples
%
increase
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 time,
whereas
Linking Words
 the largest difference is seen in
1990s
Correct article usage
the 1990s
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the
countries
Use synonyms
 which seem to be improving are the
Use synonyms
globalisers
Correct your spelling
globalists
globalised
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 seem to be struggling to develop
further
Linking Words
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words increase, gdp, three, countries, globalisers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic products
  • wealthy countries
  • globalisers
  • non-globalisers
  • average growth
  • graph
  • trends
  • economies
  • advanced technology
  • globalization
  • global trade
  • integration
  • slow growth rate
  • participation
  • economic growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: