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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the weight of people in a particular country from 1999 to 2009.

The table below shows the weight of people in a particular country from 1999 to 2009.
#weight #people #country
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The graph illustrates the data of
weight
Use synonyms
 from citizens in a specific country between 1999 to 2009. The details
was
Change the verb form
were
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 reported by gender and three
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group
Change to a plural noun
groups
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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weight
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
similar trends with almost no change in both women and men. Most citizens were in normal
weight
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,
while
Linking Words
 people with
under
Correct your spelling
underweight
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weight
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 and
over
Correct your spelling
overweight
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weight
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 remained the least common
group
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. Looking at the details, in 2004, women, who
were occupied
Change the verb form
have occupied
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 the
hlaf
Correct your spelling
half
 proportion, were the most significant
group
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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servery.
While
Linking Words
 men
also
Linking Words
has
Change the verb form
have
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 a notable
dominant
Replace the word
dominance
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 in the same year. These two data
wer
Correct your spelling
were
 around two times higher than the
group
Use synonyms
 of
under
Correct your spelling
underweight
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weight
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 and the
group
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 of
over
Correct your spelling
overweight
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weight
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, women of
over
Correct your spelling
overweight
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weight
Use synonyms
 in 1999 and men of the same
group
Use synonyms
 in 2009 were the lowest
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
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 over the decade, with only 18% and 19% respectively. Meanwhile, there were merely
chage
Correct your spelling
changes
 in both of them.
Besides
Linking Words
, there were similar
different
Replace the word
differences
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 in people
of
Change preposition
apply
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under
Correct your spelling
underweight
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weight
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yipcm202 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words weight, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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