IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government. Others think that individuals should protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #health #responsibility #government #individuals
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It is considered that public
health
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 is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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,
while
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 there are others who think that individuals ought to be responsible for their own
health
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. In my opinion, I believe that public
health
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 is the
responsibility
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 of the authority to help
people
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, and individuals have to take
care
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 of themselves because it is their life.
On the other hand
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,
according to
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 some, public
health
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 is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 because some
people
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 can not get treatment for serious diseases.
For example
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, COVID-19 is a serious virus, and it started in 2019 to 2020. A lot of
people
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 get sick, and the
government
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 worked hard to help
people
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 a lot of
people
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 died because it was very dangerous, so public
health
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 should be the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 because
people
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 can not do anything.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,it is because by some that it
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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responsibilitiy
Correct your spelling
responsibility
every
Change preposition
of every
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 individual to take
care
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 of themselves by
eat
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eating
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 healthy food and
doind
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doing
excrsirs
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excursions
,they will have a
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health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 body .
Morever
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Moreover
,they will not suffer from serious
diseses
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diseases
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,when
CIVID-19
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COVID-19
 started a lot of
people
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get
Wrong verb form
got
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 sick
,
Remove the comma
apply
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because they do not follow the rules
seruisly
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seriously
 and they do not get
vaccination
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the vaccination
a vaccination
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 .
Finally
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 ,in my opinion ,I think that public
health
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 is
th
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the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 and individual
health
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 ,when serious
diseses
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
 come the
government
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 should make plans to help
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 have immunity from serious
diseses
Correct your spelling
diseases
 and put the treatment for free because it will be
expensave
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expensive
 for the poor
people
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 ,and
people
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 should follow the rules and take
care
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 about them selves and eat healthy food and do excrsies to strendthen their immunity and have
health
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 body . In conclusion , it is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 to help
people
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 and individual have to take
care
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 of
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 .
people
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 should follow the rules and ought to make
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
 to help
people
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 and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immunity for them
Submitted by s_syedy on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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